Birthdays should be a very special day for every single human being in the world. It is a day when you breathe and work towards bringing fun, laughter, joys, tears and drama to others around you.
I'm not sure how are the birthdays important to you. Though for me, it is a day that I would be treated like a Queen, special and somewhat its all about me.
There are definitely abundance of birthday greetings on Facebook. Where I feel superficially loved for that 2 seconds that they took to write on your timeline. Moreover, in the other 355 days of the year, they don't really know your existence nor a word is being exchange in person/text or phone call. Well, yes you might say that it is the thought that counts.. Without Facebook Birthday reminder.. I doubt I would even get a text from anyone to related their well wishes to me. Call me cynical but you and I know so much that it is true.
Now, back to the purpose of writing today.
Here's the story of my 32nd Birthday. The worst to date by far. I promise myself from 2013, I would make it a point that I am to leave the country regardless how near or far.
So, I met someone interesting. Made a date to meet at Clarke Quay for a night out. I thought why not? Its my birthday, having to spend it out and about in town over drinks doesn't sound half that bad, does it? Communicated via whatsapp with him.. till I arrived to Clarke Quay. He did not show up.
Why? A reason he gave - I wasn't easy enough for him to bed! WTF? I must have come across to him that I'm smarter than he is and hence he chickened out. Moreover, he didn't dare answer my phone call or text messages. BUT it followed with a series of apology till 4am in the morning.. ... Throughout telling me he has fucked up and would come and pick me up for drinks! To think that you've stood me up, would I even be the least interested to give you a second chance now? Fat hope.
Having recently gone through a series of unhappiness about friends who take you for granted and totally not appreciating.. to also have strangers calling you fat in the face and saying that I look like a pig. All these piled up ... I broke down whilst sitting at a bus stop.. for a good hour before I picked my arse up and hop into a cab and stopped along a 7-11 to get myself a pile of potato chips.. Stuffed my face silly and finished the night with crying.
I am asuming that my hormones are running on high speed these days. I have decided on a few alternatives too. On a short term basis - vacation somewhere just to sort my thoughts out. A more interesting option which has been swimming around my brain for a good couple of months. I want to be a nun.
It would take alot of courage to give up the current lifestyle and bring myself to join a convent. But the idea is calling out louder each day. I would have to read up on being a nun and maybe I would be one. And be peaceful with myself for the rest of my life?
Perhaps.
